use the truth as a weapon (to beat up all your friends)
by swarklesinstorybrooke
Summary: After two years together, Emma and Regina bring their relationship to an end. But are either of them really ready to let go? Oneshot accompanied by The Swell Season's album 'Strict Joy'.


**A/N: so the other day, I rewatched this film called 'Once', and then after rediscovered my love for the band who starred in the film and wrote the songs, The Swell Season. All the songs in this oneshot can be found on their album Strict Joy (the deluxe edition), and if you want to know a bit more about the story behind that album/the band, I'll write a bit underneath.**

**Flashback scene in italics.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**I wanna sit you down and talk**_

_**I wanna pull back the veils**_

_**And find out what it is I've done wrong**_

* * *

All good things come to an end. Emma had always known this, and everything which had happened to her over the years only served to prove it. When it came to ending her relationship with Regina, therefore, it hadn't been a surprise to her. It didn't mean that Emma didn't love her; in fact, Emma loved Regina more than she had ever loved anyone. But they argued every day, and they hurt each other, and Emma didn't feel like she was what Regina needed anymore. Both of them needed something that didn't seem to exist anymore.

When Henry left his mobile at her apartment when he went to stay with Regina, Emma could have sworn it was on purpose. Of all the people in support of the relationship, Henry's two mothers becoming a couple was greeted with delight by the boy himself, and as he'd grown into an older teenager he had grown tired of them fighting, and not seeing that they were all the other needed.

Emma walked up the path to Regina's house. Her house. She'd only moved out a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed like a lifetime since she'd stumbled out of here, sobbing and dragging a bag behind her. Regina had said that Emma had no right to be upset; it was her who was ending it, but Emma knew she was only bringing forth the inevitable.

"Emma." Regina opened the door before Emma had had the chance to knock.

"Hey. Henry left his phone." Emma fumbled in her pocket until she found the object, and passed it to Regina with an awkward smile plastered half heartedly on her face.

"Will you come in?"

Emma shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I want to talk about this. I've had time to think - more time than I knew what to do with. Please, Emma." The pleading in Regina's voice and the sorrow in her eyes made Emma oblige, but then Regina had always known how to play Emma right into her hands.

Even now, Emma could hardly find it in her to focus on what Regina was saying. All she could feel was relieved to be home, and how much she missed Regina; the touch of her lips, the feel of her arms around her.

"So how have you been?" Regina attempted conversation.

"I've been fine. Getting through. I spend a lot of time at work, and then when I have Henry we hang out."

"Good. I'm glad."

"Glad that I'm barely getting through?"

"Emma.."

Emma knew she was getting bitter, but couldn't stop it. "What?"

"It was you that ended things between us."

"Don't act like you weren't relieved, Regina."

"I loved you." Regina looked at Emma, the frown on her face not being a denial.

"We destroyed each other."

"I _loved _you." Regina repeated. "I understand why it had to happen, but… why wasn't love enough? I tried with everything I had, everything I ever could have."

"I don't think love is always enough. Timing is what you really need, and it wasn't on our side. We weren't ready."

"Would we ever have been?"

* * *

_**But this estranged organ in my chest**_

_**Still beats for you**_

_**It will not rest, so**_

_**Meet me in our secret place**_

_**When the time has come**_

* * *

Regina was light and happiness when they had first got together. She was neutral and calm for the first year. The second year became dark, and angry, and it seemed like every other day there was something to argue about. When it came to ending it, though, neither woman had felt able to let go. That was how the two of them had always existed; on each other's plane of existence but not on each other's wavelength. Not able to keep it together enough to be happy.

"I don't know. Maybe. But I still… maybe one day we could try again."

"One day?"

"You know when people say 'in another lifetime'? I think that's the same for us. We're perfect for each other, Regina, I'll never stop thinking that. But we're messy, and complicated, and I don't think that here - that now - is right for us."

"So we'll be what; reunited in the afterlife? How romantic."

"Don't suppose you want to make another curse? Take us somewhere new?" Emma smiled helplessly, only half joking.

"If only I could."

"I still love you, Regina."

"I know."

"All I ever seem to do is love you."

"I know."

* * *

_**You were restless**_

_**And I was somewhere less secure**_

_**So I went running to the road**_

_**…**_

_**Maybe I was born**_

_**To hold you in these arms**_

* * *

"Do you know what I used to think to myself? When we were fighting?"

Regina re-entered the room with a bottle of wine, neglecting the idea that a glass would be enough for them. "What?"

"That this was where I was meant to be. What I was destined to do. I was the saviour, I was supposed to come here and save you."

"You did."

"I know. But then I'd think… why aren't I happy? If this is what I'm supposed to do, and I'm doing it as best I can, why am I not happy? And I'd beat myself up about it, thinking I wasn't good enough, and you deserved a better saviour than me."

"I could feel you pulling away from me. But every time I brought it up in conversation, it just felt like I was saying the same thing over and over again. So one day, I just stopped fighting."

"Sitting here, I'm just realising how much I regret ending it. I wish I'd tried harder."

"So do I." Regina sighed wistfully. "How's your new apartment?"

"Awful. Lonely."

"It'll get better."

"I really hope it does."

* * *

_**Just before the rain came down**_

_**The sun came out at last**_

_**And as for all assumptions made**_

_**And questions never asked**_

_**I know we're not where I promised you we'd be by now**_

_**But maybe it's a question of who'd want it anyhow?**_

* * *

"We weren't true love."

"Who needs it?"

"_We _needed it. We needed the validation."

"This is the only place in the world where people obsess over this idea of 'true love'."

"And as you said, had we been somewhere else, maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"I don't want this to end." Emma said helplessly, desperately fighting to save something that was already too far gone.

Regina got up steadily, and wandered over to where Emma was sat, her legs slightly apart. With only a slight hesitation, Regina sat on top of Emma, placing her legs either side of hers and bringing them face to face. Emma kissed her, and it was familiar, and loving. The desperation that came through was impossible to avoid, and both women seemed to think that their entire relationship, their entire future ridded on this kiss. Regina raked her hands through Emma's hair, and Emma grabbed the back of Regina's neck. Both continued to kiss fiercely, powerlessly, until one or the other pulled them apart, lips still barely touching.

"This isn't going to fix anything." Emma admitted.

"No." The two women found it in them to laugh; to laugh at the hopelessness of the two of them, how all they had had was reduced to a clumsy kiss.

* * *

_**And then you came, and you came real close**_

_**You gave my heart what it wanted most**_

_**You took your time and you made it clear**_

_**Maybe time will erase something**_

_**You ran away with a love that conquered**_

* * *

"A month." Emma whispered, now holding Regina in her arms.

"What?"

"Let's give it a month. A month apart from each other. If we can't stand it, we give it another shot. If we're happy apart, then it's good."

"You believe a month will fix everything? Fix us?"

"I want it to. When we first started, we were both still getting used to who we were. It's only recently that I've started to really feel like myself, or the new me anyway, and maybe if I had some time to, I don't know, 'soul search', I'd be in a better place when it comes to me and you."

"Emma." Regina tilted her face up, resting her cheek against Emma's. "I don't know if I could go through this again. I've had more love in me in the past 2 years than I ever have done, and it was taken from me. That sounds theatrical and over-the-top, especially coming from me, but that's how it felt to me. I knew we were going to end, I could feel it coming. But to hear you say it, to… feel the words coming from your mouth. Truth is a fickle thing, and it can hurt to say it aloud, even when you know it to be right. I can't go through that again."

"I can't make any promises, Regina. But I really want to try. Try it all again. What do we have to lose?"

Regina looked up at Emma, a frown on her face. "Everything."

* * *

_**Part of me has died**_

_**And won't return**_

_**Part of me wants to hide**_

_**A part that's burned**_

_**Once, once**_

_**I knew know to talk to you**_

* * *

_"If it means that much to you, we won't go."_

_"That's not what this is about, Emma." Regina once again felt her temper flare, and her voice raise._

_"Then what is it about? What is all of this about? Every conversation is a fight recently, and I don't…"_

_Regina sighed. "This is about us. We both have a tendency to fly off the handle of late, and I can't seem to push past it."_

_"So what do we do now?" Emma asked, defeated._

_"I don't know."_

_"Maybe I should leave." Emma got up from the chair she_ _had perched anxiously on, and began to pace the room._

_"You're going to go." Regina sounded half-dejected, and half-terrified. "That's the solution? To leave me?"_

_"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I meant for the night, or maybe a day or two, but…"_

_"No, Emma, if you want to leave, then leave." Regina got up coldly, and crossed her arms over her body._

_"I thought that's what you'd want."_

_"Then clearly you've learnt nothing about me." Regina felt tears reluctantly escape her eyes. She pulled a suitcase from under the bed, and began to throw some of Emma's clothes into it. "I will allow Henry to visit you once you've settled down."_

_"Regina…"_

_"What? You just said it - this is what I want. So this is what I'm allowing to happen." Emma began to cry, and plead with Regina to stop. "Emma, it was you that wanted this. Don't stay on my account."_

_Regina pulled the zip closed violently, it almost coming off in her hand. Emma continued to cry, and raked an arm across her face to blot it._

_"Goodbye." Regina offered nothing more than this and her reluctant tears, and remained stood stoic until Emma finally grabbed the bag with a sob and ran out of the house._

* * *

_**Because the heart's a fool**_

_**A stranger to the room**_

_**And because the love has grown**_

_**I had to leave you alone**_

_**And if you're gonna go, go with happiness**_

* * *

"If you can't promise me that it won't happen again, could you at least promise me that you'll try? That we'll both try? I don't know what I'd do if… I don't know what I'd do."

"I'll try with all my heart. If it's what you want. Give it a month. On the 1st of July, at midnight, I'll be at Henry's castle. If you're not there, I'll accept it. Or, I'll try and get over it at least. And then we can move on and be… friends."

"And if I show?"

"If you show, then I'm going to try and make you as happy as you can ever be."

Regina smiled, in spite of herself. "A month."

"If we don't meet, and if this is the last conversation we ever have about us - _this _us, I don't want to end it on a bad note."

"Neither do I. Emma, I adore you. I adore everything about you, even the things I can sometimes find it within me to hate. You are the kindest, most honest, most true person I've ever known. And if we don't try again, understand that it's not you. It's us. Perhaps I couldn't find it within me to make us meant to be."

"Damn, you stole my line." Emma joked.

"I love you."

"With all my heart." Emma ended it, giving Regina a kiss on the top of her head before getting up and leaving.

* * *

_**You have suffered enough**_

_**And warred with yourself**_

_**It's time that you won**_

_**Take this sinking boat**_

_**And point it home**_

_**We've still got time**_

* * *

On the 1st of July, Emma walked to Henry's castle with almost an air of calm. She knew that this was either the end or the beginning, and whichever it was, she knew that she was ready. She knew who she was, and what she wanted to be. She was a mother, a soldier, a saviour. She wanted to be happy, and if Regina was willing, she wanted the happiness to come from her.

She sat purposefully facing away from the road, knowing that she'd find it much easier to accept if she couldn't see the road without Regina on it. Avoiding each other for a month had been nothing short of impossible, and Emma had missed her as everything; a lover, a friend, a parent, a sparring partner. And she needed to keep in mind that the end of their relationship wouldn't mean the end of them. So she sat. With her back to the road, and her back to reality.

The clock struck midnight. As the clock tower rang out, the sound echoed in Emma's chest. She isn't coming. This was a mistake. She didn't know why she'd even hoped she'd show up in the first place.

"Ok." Emma heard the word come from somewhere behind her. She thought she'd imagined it at first, and honestly she wouldn't put it past herself. So she turned, steadily, and was greeted by Regina, standing in a suit of all things.

"O.. ok?"

"Ok, let's try again. I almost didn't come, but then I realised. I was fooling myself, to think I could last without you." Regina smiled, her own words almost sounding foreign to her. They were truer than she ever provided, and honestly she sometimes had a hard time recognising the truths about herself.

Emma jumped down from the ledge, and ran over to Regina, almost scared she would change her mind before she reached the road.

"I love you." Regina whispered as Emma took her lips with her own.

"I know."

* * *

**A/N: The end! As I promised, the story:**

**So basically, the two singers from the band met years and years ago, when the woman was still a teenager. They began to write music together, and eventually starred in the film Once that I mentioned (seriously watch it - it's incredible). Both of them had been in love with each other for a while, but as they began promotions for the film they began a relationship. The two of them were together for a couple of years, writing music and touring together with the band. The touring began to take it's toll, however, and the two agreed to separate. They carried on doing music together, and writing this album, and seemed to have used this album as a way of expressing how they felt about each other and the breakup. They've both said how they felt "closer" after separating, and have said in live performances and their songs that they believe, as Emma did in the fic, that in another life they will find each other again.**

**Obviously, I don't know the whole story. If you're interested, I'd really recommend watching the documentary about them called 'The Swell Season', which documents their relationship and breakup really beautifully.**

**Thanks for reading, anyway! **


End file.
